Ouya and Kickstarter: Why my generation is the worst.

When browsing the internet this week I constantly saw one thing:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ouya/ouya-a-new-kind-of-video-game-console

A Kickstarter page where people pledge money to see ''A new kind of video game console'' made.

How much? Well at the time of writing 36,357 people have donated to a total amount of over four and a half million dollars.

Oh well this thing has to be amazing then hasn't it?

Specifications:
Tegra3 quad-core processor
1GB RAM
8GB of internal flash storage
HDMI connection to the TV, with support for up to 1080p HD
WiFi 802.11 b/g/n
Bluetooth LE 4.0
USB 2.0 (one)
Wireless controller with standard controls (two analog sticks, d-pad, eight action buttons, a system button), a touchpad
Android 4.0

 

Alright, I'd buy a phone with those specifications. It's not great but certainly cheap.

Wait a second, it's a game console...

HAHAHAHA.

For the people that come here in between an actual life: these specifications amount to going to newgrounds.com on a 10 year old notebook.

Alright, so people will be getting a completely powerless indie game system for a hundred bucks, silly but I bet they are all rational people that understand this thing has trouble running farmville:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ouyatop20

This link is actually straight from the webpage of the Ouya kickstarter asking people that donated money to this thing what games they would like to see on it.

People really are expecting:

-League of Legends

-Skyrim

-Call of duty

-Fifa

-Mass Effect

-Grand Theft Auto

-Assassins Creed.

-Final Fantasy.

Alright, allow me to be the first to show everyone what each of these games look like on a tegra 3 chip:

                                   Leage of Legends on a tegra 3 chip, copyright Blizzard 1994.

Skyrim on a tegra 3 chip, copyright Bethesda 1994.

1994 was a good year it seems.

Call of Duty on a tegra 3 chip Copyright ID software 1992.

I think you get the drill by now.

Another gem straight from the page that made 4.5 million dollars already:

''For hackers: root it. Go ahead. Your warranty is safe. Even the hardware is hackable. Want to get inside? You’ll need a standard screwdriver and nothing more. Go to town. We have standard USB ports and Bluetooth, so you’ll even be able to create your own peripherals.''

Exactly the thing Activision CEO Bobby Kotick wishes to hear when presented to a new console that would like a Call of Duty on it. Who cares about making money in the first place? Stick it to the man!

So yeah, 36 thousand people already expecting a 100$ fully hackable console that can and will play Skyrim. I bet that will end well. It's funny because the last console that was a multi million dollar fraud was called the phantom.




It's like a console named after spectral phenomenons is destined to fail. Who could have guessed?